10.09.2005

God... Mother Nature - what's going on?

Either some God is pissed, or Mother Nature is menstrating - what is going on with these earthquakes and hurricanes? I just don't get it.

20,000 people estimated dead from an earthquake in Pakistan. Just over 1,000 people dead from Hurricane Katrina. My heart is breaking all over the world along with thousands of others.

It's enough to make you want to slash your wrists and be done with it. Just so you can go upstairs to those gates and ask: what the f*uck? If even the gates exist.

But I have to believe there is something better than this. An old friend of mine once said, the human soul is capable of so much. So that's why I believe in a heaven.

I am trying to have faith and believe that what my friend once said to me - thirteen years ago - is true. So that I can believe that those children who died in the earthquake while in school are running free in a better place. Because if not, then is life worth it? Is the tragedy worth living through? What is left that is beautiful from the ruins?

It's times like these that I just want to say, why did I have kids? To bring them into a world full of let-downs? To show them the beauty of fall - the beauty of orange, red, brown - only for them to wake up from a deep sleep to hear the distant cries of humanity? Perhaps Camus was right - we live to just die, to be buried and to rot.

No. That can't be it. He was right in some things.

But not that.

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